Oooo.

I love this necklace found on Fey Handmade.

.courageous necklace.

Threads.

As of late, what with the new job and all, a lot of my money has been going towards work clothes. You know, things like slacks (which used to make me shudder. And itch.), and nice shirts and shoes with heels.

But as I’m still waiting for the paycheques to roll in, I haven’t really paid much attention to the other parts of my wardrobe that need sprucing up. Or replacing. (With the exception of getting some gorgeous underwear on my lunch break today thanks to the lovely La Senza gift certificate I was given for my birthday.)

And this, dear friends, leaves me in a bit of a panic.

Because I have an afternoon date tomorrow. Evening dates are a little easier to dress for, because the time of day usually allows for the ‘dressed up’ implications. But afternoon, at a pub, listening to some local artists…. well…. dressed up is not really what I’m feeling.

There’s also the fact that I don’t want to come across as a total slob or workaholic-that-has-no-down-time-clothes type of gal.

And the fella? Well, he’s actually a local artist who’s work I love.  While I haven’t actually met him yet,  three weeks ago when I went for my first painting class we had been asked to bring in things that inspire us. I actually brought in a picture of one of his paintings that was in an Edmonton based art mag. (I’m thinking that perhaps I’ll wait until possible date two before sharing that slightly embarrassing bit of info.)

So tonight I’m off to my parents’ house to do some laundry and have a shower. As the bathtub in my apartment is STILL unavailable for use and I haven’t bathed since Wednesday night (ew!), I figure I’ll take advantage of their current out-of-countryness and put their hot water supply to use.

I actually really liked what I wore on Wednesday when we went out for my birthday. Below is the one and only picture that captures all elements. And I love it,  even if it isn’t the most flattering (the picture, not the threads).

.cousins.

On the left is my cousin who celebrated his 30th the day before me. And on the right is my little brother. And up top, that’s me. That’s me after way too many shots. I don’t know when I stopped saying no to shots, but at some point in the last couple months, I started doing them again. Not always a good thing.

But back to the outfit. Walking to and from work every day has slimmed my thighs down to the point that skinny jeans tucked into my tall boots is actually a really good look for me. And the shirt has the double bonus of being cute from the front and having a scoop back, allowing me to show off all of my ink if I felt like it.

But as many of my birthday party friends will be out watching the same music as me tomorrow, I don’t know if I really want to wear the same thing.

I’ll keep you posted.

29.

.veignt-neuf.

Yup. It’s my twenty-ninth birthday.

And what looks like it could possibly be blood, well, in person in my kitchen it’s actually a bright pink. Unfortunately my camera doesn’t quite pick that up.

This is my birthday present to myself. I’ve had this, well, do you call it a wooden canvas? I’ve had this piece of wood (designed to be painted) laying around for over 8 months now. I remember moving it into my new apartment. But I could never figure out what to do with it, in part because that first mark on blank canvas makes me nervous. But I’m taking this acrylic painting class, and one of the things I’m getting better at is starting.  Sometimes starting is the hardest thing to do.

And I don’t just mean in painting. I feel like I am finally starting my life. Let me clarify that this shouldn’t imply that I haven’t been living my life. I don’t mean this in a Matrixy “I’ve been living in a dream world, hooked up to machines as a food source for robots” kind of way. A few months ago (or maybe it was only last month… I haven’t decided if time is flying by or crawling at a snail’s pace; I think it’s both) I decided that I would start saying yes to the opportunities that present themselves. This ranges from first dates to going out with friends to jobs to moving.

My mom always says that if you open yourself up to the universe and let it know what you want, if you stay open long enough you’ll get it. It’s the staying open.* So I put it out there, I’ve kept myself open and I’ve been saying yes. And as soon as I got one job, I applied for another job. While I may not get the second job, there’s an equally good chance that I will.

In a strange moment of pre-birthday melt down, I somehow got it fixed in my head that I had to make a decision regarding whether or not I want to move to Vancouver by Thursday. Not that I have to move by Thursday (because that would have been really crazy), but that I had to decide one way or the other by Thursday. I think that I felt if I say yes to Job B, which is a permanent position, then I would have to truly commit to staying for a few years. ** And I spiraled in that thought pattern for a while.

After a couple tears, a few deep breaths and a walk in the snow the spiraling ceased and I calmed down. And realized that people accept jobs every day that they fully intend on being at for a really long time, but life happens and changes and they don’t all stay at those jobs for that long time they’d planned on. Make sense?

My phenomenal friend E mentioned to her mom that I’ve been, once again, toying with the idea of a move West. To have both E and her mom in my corner also helped to bring me back down to the present. That being that I just got my foot in the door here, so why not go with it for a little while and see what my options turn into.

As of right now, a blink away from my 29th birthday my plan is to be at this new job, in whatever form it takes, until the end of my original contract, that being the end of June. And as that draws closer, I’ll start looking at saying yes to possibilities on the West Coast and decide on one then.

Having the rough semblance of a plan has the dual effect of calming me down and making me excited. It’s kind of like now I have a new project, things to research and things to learn.

Feeling a little emotionally drained, but loving my “vignt-neuf”*** painting, I’m going to tuck myself in with a lovely flick and drift off to sleep before my third last shift at the card shop.

Bon Soir, mes amis.

*I have a soft spot for Under the Tuscan Sun. And I don’t care what certain other people in my life say, I like it. The idea of leaving yourself open always makes me think of the scene when Frances says to Katherine, who is sitting in a cafe with a superfluity of nuns, “Ladybugs, Katherine. Lots and lots of ladybugs”. This is reference to Katherine’s story about looking for ladybugs and waking up on the lawn covered in them. I’d explain the rest, but if you’ve seen it then you’ll recognize it. And if you haven’t seen it, then chances are that you don’t really give a shit.

**And yes, the self-examining side of me realizes that as a woman who called off her engagement and ended it with her fiance two months before the wedding, not wanting to commit to this job might seem like a theme. Well, I’m just not quite ready to delve into that one yet. So think what you will.

***I could have sworn that twenty in french was spelled with an ‘e’. As in ‘veignt’. But just to make sure (and as I was in french immersion for 10 years, I really wanted to make sure I got it right), and nope. there’s no ‘e’. It’s ‘vignt’. Which really doesn’t look right to me, but both Wikipedia and my ancient French-English dictionary say there is no ‘e’.

Loves.

Things I’m diggin’ on this grey and wintery Saturday….

I just can’t get enough of the Pomplamooses!

…

.kinder giraffe.

One Million Giraffes.com – Collecting one million giraffes in one year! Am currently working on a little giraffe fellow to send in! Have a handmade giraffe you want to share? Send it in and get it on the site! (Exclamation marks everywhere!)

…

.built for two.

I think I have confessed my love for ModCloth before. And their apartment section continues to leave me wanting more. More things for my little home.  I adore this wall decal! It makes me yearn for spring time and, more specifically, bike time!!!

…

This list would be longer, but I’m off to see one of the fellas from Deep Dark Woods play at one of my fave pubs. Did not go see the dude from Deep Dark Woods. Rather, I stayed home to make stew in my new slowcooker (an early birthday present from my folks), test out a giant canvas and watch this fantastic movie The Go-Getter.

I feel the preview doesn’t really do the movie justice. It was just so nice. I saw mention of it on A Lovely Morning .

Waiting.

.exciting.

I feel as though I am waiting for something that hasn’t even occurred to me yet. I wake up in the morning with a feeling of anticipation.  I wake, dress, walk or take the bus to work. I go about my day, learn new things, meet new people. I walk home, eat, play, then fall asleep.

And as I drift off, there is a sense of if not today, then tomorrow for sure.  But whatever it is, it doesn’t seem to happen.

So I change it up. I get a new job. I start taking painting classes. I meet more people. I do more.

I’ll keep waiting, and changing and doing and seeing and feeling. And maybe I’ll figure out what it is that I’m waiting for. Because whatever it is, I think it’s going to be great.

Moment.

Have a very special, distinct, hilarious, heart breaking/warming moment you want to put on the internet forever and ever?

The Moment Jars is your way to do just that! I have a moment in there!

.moments.

I love where the idea came from and think I will use one of my old mason jars for just this – writing moments down on paper and putting them in a jar. For keeps.

In other news, I’ve almost made it through my first week at the new job. And it’s fab! I’m doing, if I do say so myself, a stellar job. So much so that they’ve asked me to think about applying for a more senior, more permanent position. It would mean heaps of responsibility as I’d be working directly for the partners at this firm. It would mean more money and benefits. It would also, quite possibly, be a means of moving somewhere else and having a stellar job come with me.

I know it’s only three days in, but I’m loving it! Working with adults in a professional setting. Wearing pretty clothes. Having a real lunch break. Knowing that next week when I get paid I’ll have enough money to pay rent AND bills AND buy groceries! Flipping amazing!

Am I tired? Exhausted. Am I stressed? Actually, no, not yet. But what’s really blowing me away is that I’m not nervous. I am a very nervous person – easily excitable, quick to be so nervous I’m shaking. But despite answering the main switchboard for over 80 employees and working for a company that has annual revenues of OVER $400 million (gasp!), I’m feeling confidant. Which is kind of new for me.

I don’t expect every day to be as good as the past three. And once tax season starts up I do expect to be even more exhausted and kind of freaking out.

But for now, for today, I love it.

And that, loving a job, a real job, has been a long time coming.

Fast.

A while back, I was asked to apply for this sweet research job with the NDP’s. A friend of a friend is the head of research and she felt that I’d be a good fit and sought me out. And it felt pretty neat. So apply I did. And wait, did I ever. And I heard nothing.

So I called. And emailed. And called again.

And finally, I got a one line email response. “Positions have been filled”. Just like that.

As I’ve been applying for jobs since I graduated last spring, I’m fairly accustomed to rejection. It seems that no one sends confirmation of application emails anymore, and the vast majority of organizations also don’t send notification that they will not be offering you employment (with the exception of this fair City – I applied for seven jobs with the City and got SEVEN rejection emails in one afternoon).

But this one was different for so many reasons. It was a job with a bit of prestige. I would have been directly putting my degree to work, which would have been amazing. Because I knew someone on the inside (and everyone keeps telling me that, in this economy, it’s all about who you know), I let myself get hopeful. Excited even. And then I let my imagination get the better of me with “If I get this job, so much will change” kind of thoughts. Which made this rejection much harder to accept.

This was Friday at 9:00am.

At 9:15 am I hopped on Facebook and saw a message from an old friend sitting in the inbox. She works for an accounting firm downtown and had an opening she thought I might be interested. The catch? The job starts Monday – three days from then.

I took about an hour to think this over. It’s not a great job. But I would trade the mop for a dishwasher. Trade the cash register for a computer. And, what really made me say yes, the paycheque will actually bring me to just above the poverty line. And that, my dears, would be fucking amazing. I’ll say right now that it’s definitely not as much money as the research position (in fact it’s $10 an hour less). But it is significantly more than what I make at the card shop.

So I said yes.

Starting tomorrow, I’ll be the newest filing clerk at an international organization that high end accounting work. I’ll be honest, that’s pretty much all I know. But as I didn’t have to apply or interview and it all happened so fast, I haven’t had the need/opportunity to really look into it.

This means no more retail. No more rolling out of bed and into work. This means moving from Whyte Ave to Downtown. It means a complete wardrobe change.

It means shopping!

I haven’t worked in an office in years. And I have never worked in an office like this. So I am in serious need of new threads. To start off with, I’m going to get the basics – black pants, dress shirts. The boring stuff. But once I get a feel for it, wow am I excited to jazz up my closet!

But to start with, I need to get a wide selection of long sleeved shirts.

.my tree.

Yes, for at least the first few weeks, I will need to wear full sleeved shirts. Which I haven’t had to do in a long time. and I knew this would happen when I got the tat, so it’s not like it’s a surprise. But it will be an adjustment.

So while I am really not jazzed about the new job, I am looking forward to the change that comes with it. Fingers crossed it all goes well.

Happy weekend!

Off.

Alright, m’dears, I finally have a day off! And as it’s my only day off this week, I have so much to do! Let’s see how much of this I actually get through!

-dishes! I can’t make coffee until there’s a clean pot to boil water with.

-get rid of the crap in my fridge. This includes the half pan of Almond Roca on my counter that I’ve slowly been nibbling at. That will not help me to avoid the non-smoking weight gain. Out it goes!

-clean the bathroom. Having a giant hole in the ceiling is really no excuse to let the dust pile up. What if the maintenance men actually came back to fix it. Unlikely, yes, but it would still be a little embarrassing.

-take out the garbage! Why this is so hard when I walk right passed the garbage bin outside every day, I’ll never know. But the same bag of trash has been sitting in my hall for two days now.

-As laundry was done the other night, put clothes away! Really, missy, just do it. It’s not that hard.

-Dust bunnies? Adios! Break out the vacuum! (Okay, this one is kind of checked off. Upon closer investigation, I found that one very crucial part of the vacuum isn’t working – the part that makes that spinny thing go round and suck stuff up off of the carpet. The hose works, so the corners are clean. The rest of the carpet really only had the dust sucked off. But tis better than nothing!)

-Leave the apartment by 3/3:30pm to meet my dad downtown. From there we will go for a smoothie, a chat and then to the gym. That’s right ladies, I’m hitting up the gym! I really like my body right now, but I have, a few times, replaced cigarettes with food. The same kind of sweet, gooey food that replaces the dopamine production from cigarettes. And that’ll do nothing for my lovely, lovely curves (except make them slightly exaggerated).

Alright. Here we go.

Success!!

Wear.

I really, really, really want this dress. To the point that I actually considered taking my Visa out of the freezer and letting it melt out of that block of ice.

.Jadder's Kiss Longsleeve Dress.

Yes, yes those are giraffes you see! Spied this cute frock on Lulus.com. I will admit that I do not love it as much as ModCloth, but there are some real gems in the vintage section.

In other news, I still haven’t broken down on my non-smoking stance. Today was the first day that I even considered it. They say if you can make it through the first two weeks, then the physical cravings go away and it’s all in your mind. I haven’t had any physical cravings, but today I did miss having something in my hand… like an accessory. Something to do when caught in an awkward situation at the dog park with your friend while she sort of chats up a possibly cute dog walker.  But I ignored it.

So yay for me.

Almost.

I started the day with five cigarettes.

.almost.

I came home from my day and evening out with three cigarettes.

.getting close.

So I got rid of one.

.closer.

I now have two cigarettes left in my little cigarette case. And they are being stashed away. Should I break them all? Probably. But I figure I have two cigarettes left, then I’m done. So I’m going to keep them around for the next few days, see how it feels. Then…. done.