Luck.

Luck is what I’m going to need to get this last paper finished. I’m tired, really tired. I have a headache that just refuses to give up and I have a six hour shift at the store tonight. I’m refusing to feel totally fucked, but am afraid that I might be slightly fucked.

On the brighter side, this is A) the last day of writing papers and B) pay day which means that I can go out and get something super yummy to eat during my lunch break from work.

Sprinkles.

My favorite kind of doughnut is the kind of doughnut that has sprinkles. I like the little crunchy bits, I like the colours and I love the extra icing they have to use to ensure all the sprinkles stay on the doughnut. And today, my lovely boss met me at the door of the store as I was leaving to come home with a box of doughnuts, not one but two of which had sprinkles! Yummy!! She knows I’m in the middle of essay hell and thought I could use some sugary goodness to help me make it through the night. What a peach!

And while I do hope to eat something other than doughnuts, they’ve been tasty so far! Hooray for Tim Horton’s and their delightful goodies.

And as for the essays, well, I got part of one written at work today. But somehow the short one is the one that’s killing me. I’ve become so accustomed to writing 400 level 5-10 thousand word essays that a simple 2000 paper is hard. There’s no space to draw out my argument and make sure that I say it exactly how I want to. And it doesn’t help that it’s for what turned out to be one of my least favorite classes or an essay for which we were given no guidelines. Usually I enjoy the whole ‘write about whatever interests you’, but that usually comes with a few words of wisdom regarding what it is that the professor is hoping you’ll achieve. This isn’t a compare and contrast essay, and I’m now realizing that that is what I’m good at. Give me two differing sides to argue and I’m good. Tell me to just write on a topic, just the facts, and I’m lost.

But I suppose I should get back at it. I still have to find 1500 words that sound just right. But maybe I’ll have another doughnut first….

Done.

Oh how I wish my essays were done. But they’re not.

Oh how I wish my essays would write themselves!! What a glorious day that would make for!

I have one down, and three to go. And my brain, no matter how hard I try to force it, just won’t shake off the newly acquired fog in order to focus.

And really, honestly, that’s what I find most frustrating – I know I have to write these, they’re due Tuesday/Wednesday and Friday. Time is most certainly running out, and yet I just can’t focus.

When I can focus, I kick butt! Having just received a 93% grade on a presentation that scared the living daylights out of me, it was a great rush to have that academic success mingled with overcoming (however temporarily) my fear of public speaking.

So when I can focus, I get the job done, and I get it done well.

Maybe my head will contain less fog after a day of selling cards and books and dick soap. It better, otherwise I think it might just be time to panic. And really, I probably should save my panicking for my final exams.

Crunch.

Now would be the portion of the entertainment when our heroin contemplates throwing herself off the balcony railings. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, it’s crunch time.

This the time of the school year when I lack motivation even more than I normally do (school wise), and that’s saying a lot. I hate the last weeks of classes, so many assignments due, stress over finals. I have three papers due next week; a 10,00 word essay, a 12 page essay and a (blessedly short) 6 page essay.

And I’ll admit that I’m a little concerned. Because at the moment, even while I’m trying to find quotations from articles and string together a sentence that is just the perfect length while giving enough information to sound like it’s leading somewhere but not giving away so much information that I don’t need to write another sentence to explain – because if I can’t find reason to write that second sentence, I don’t know how the hell I’m going to make it to the end of 10,000 words or 15 pages.

Sometimes I wish I could just go to sleep the day after Hallowe’en and wake up a few days before Christmas, just in time for turkey and family.