Off.

I have given myself permission to take today off. It just feels like a good day to stay home.  While I had thoughts of working on one of the three essays I have due, or the thousands of articles that I have to read before finals, I find myself sitting in the sunshine, playing on the interwebs, trying to hold it all together.

My dog died last night. Well, Lucy wasn’t exactly my dog. She was the family dog. But she always felt more like my dog. And I loved her so much. And as much as I know that it was her time, I am still sad. Losing my grandmother last month, my dog yesterday. Finding out that my favorite prof has thyroid cancer and my uncle has nothing to look forward to other than pain medication and possibly more radiation.

I spent an hour this morning leafing through boxes of pictures that I have stashed away in my closet. And I’m left wondering why it is that I don’t have any good pictures of these people who mean so much to me. No, I do not expect to have a picture of my prof (that would actually be kind of creepy). But my uncle, my gramma, my dog. I have none.

In hopes of  not falling into a funk that lasts the rest of the school year, I’m off to get my hairs cut this afternoon. I haven’t had a hair cut since, if I remember correctly, last July. Part of the reason is that I just couldn’t afford the huge price tag. I still can’t. But for today only, I’m busting out the almost paid off credit card.Then I’m heading over my my friend J’s to watch some delightfully cheesy chick flicks.

I will re-enter the real world tomorrow.

Change.

The winds of change are blowing in, and I’m not talking about world powers, local leaders of any other election type stuff.

I’m talking about the deep, deep need for change that I feel every year at this time. Hallowe’en has somehow come to represent the time in my life when I seek change. I have lost count of the number of men I have broken up with in the days leading up to All Hallows’ Eve. Or the jobs that I have quit.Or the ridiculous haircuts I’ve said yes to.

This Hallowe’en I will not be dumping my fiance. Turns out he’s a keeper! I will not be quitting my job. Turns out I’ve found something that I’m pretty good at and, surprise, I actually enjoy it!

At the moment, that leaves my hair. Recently I asked my lovely friend Loxy what I should do – stick with my original plan of growing my hair out, therefore ensuring I have many options for the wedding day hairstyle or just jumping and getting the haircut I’ve been day dreaming about. In her infinite wisdom, Loxy said I should just get a trim for now and hope that that would cure my new hair needs.

Now it’s my own damn fault for not getting that well advised trim. And because I didn’t get the trim, now I don’t want just a little change, I want big. I want to cut and dye it. I think my mood has been influenced by the fall colours, because I’ve got a craving for red hair.

But as I really don’t want to look like an idiot (or like a stranger) at my wedding, I’ll hold off for now.

And speaking of weddings, I’ve found a problem that I think will continue to pop up. An old friend of mine who I used to work with was in town this week, and as I wasn’t going to be able to get together with her for a nice long visit, she popped into the store last night during my shift. She was asking me general wedding planning questions; how big, venue, bla bla bla. Then she asked if we had picked a date. I said yes and gave it to her. Then she surprised me by pulling out her day timer and writing it down, saying “Now I won’t double book myself”.

Huh? Apparently by me telling her the date, she thought this meant she was invited. Not the case! So I’ve decided that from now on, when people ask me when it is, how bit it will be, all that lovely stuff, I’m going to lie. I’m going to say “I don’t know”. I don’t know when it is. I don’t know how big it will be, but rather small, I’d believe.